Saying No was easy, making the man who wanted to hear Yes listen to me when I said No was the challenge. A man who wants to hear a Yes will find a way to drag it out of you.
Saying No was easy. Getting Shaun and Adam to listen to my No took everything I had.
It should not take everything you have to turn down someone’s offer for sex.
A woman who says “No thanks, I’ll sleep on the floor”; a woman who freezes up and tenses at your touch; a woman who says “I really don’t want to” and “We really shouldn’t” and “We can’t” and “Please at least wear a condom” is not saying yes to you, and if you would like to pretend that that is unclear, you are a liar, you are being disingenuous, you are lying and you know it.
“So don’t write this off as the ranting of a cantankerous character, and definitely don’t take the advice of so many enablers and ignore it. Instead, think critically about what this sort of behavior represents on a larger scale: human behavior doesn’t come from nowhere, these traits are learned and reinforced by larger oppressive systems that also systematically disenfranchise people in many other ways. If we desire a more just world—and a better music scene for sure—we would be doing ourselves a favor to take the space we would normally dedicate to men like this and give it over to artists who represent a broader diversity of voices. This goes for music as well as art, literature, politics, any area where middle-aged white men have the most agency to make sure their voices are heard. The more of us there are, the more things will be like the show that pissed Kozelek off in the first place; no matter how cruel their banter gets, at the end of the day, we’ll still be louder.”—Meredith Graves of perfectpussyband on why we shouldn’t enable people like Mark Kozelek when they act like whiny children. The first important thing here is that Meredith Graves is rapidly turning into someone we should always listen to about everything. The second important thing is how perfectly this fits into the recentconversation about why we as a society can’t just ignore “trolls” and harassment.