At some point this morning, proofreadingbooks blew past 1000 followers. You guys are ridiculously amazing. I’m so glad people are so receptive to this idea I had at my desk one day that started out, “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if…”
My list of demands
- That no one I share a bed with from now until my death ever untucks the sheets at the bottom, goddammit.
- Advances in denim technology such that no pair of jeans I own in the future will wear out on the inner thigh ever again.
- A roll of stickers that say “Stand right, walk left” and the dispensation to apply them as needed on escalators and moving walkways.
- To erase the phrase “thigh gap” and all memory of it from human history.
- A bra that fucking fits and doesn’t feel like a medieval torture device by 4:30pm, Jesus Christ.
- To be friends with every cat.
- New episodes of 30 Rock about once every two months, at a level of quality consistent with “Tracy Does Conan,” for the rest of my natural life.
- One single off-the-rack white button-down shirt that is designed for my boobs-waist-hips ratio.
- Some form of medical treatment that will make me less appetizing to mosquitoes and other bitey insects.
- An app that’s just radar for your exes so you know when it’s safe to go to that bar you both like.
- Paid bereavement time to use when the following people die: Toni Morrison, Joni Mitchell, David Bowie, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen
- Two hours alone with Idris Elba. Just two.
- Moffat gone as Doctor Who showrunner, effective two years ago.
- A coffee mug that keeps coffee at that perfect warm-but-not-hot sweetspot.
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